Horrible/Wonderful - why is life such a see-saw?

Yep, so I didn't blog Monday...you know why. It was that horrible I couldn't bring myself to admit what I'd done until I fixed it. Binged for 3 days straight, eating over my daily calorie limit, exercising and still not burning it all off. So I put on 0.9kgs in 3 days! Almost died. It worked though... :) ...Managed to lose it all plus more in the next two days, then followed up with a fast day. I've had to eat a fair bit today because I'm giving blood tomorrow so I hope it all evens out and I don't gain by Friday...I guess we'll see. So my stats are:

Week 14 Monday Weight: 67.6kgs
Week 14 Monday Loss: -0.9kgs

Total Weight Loss: 10.4kgs
BMI: 22.3

Week 14 Wednesday Weight: 65.9kgs
Week 14 Wednesday Loss: 1.7kgs

Total Weight Loss: 12.1kgs
BMI: 21.8

And YAY my BMI is under 22 finally:) I'll take any milestone and cherish it lol:)

A Long One :)

Part One - Why do we make deals with the devil?

Why do I insist on trying to make deals with myself all the time?!!! You can get off the treadmill now if you don't eat for the rest of the day. It's okay to eat this, you'll burn it off later. Don't worry about eating this, you can starve tomorrow. NO! It is not okay. I never bur enough so I shouldn't get off the treadmill, I won't burn it later so I shouldn't eat it, you'll fail again tomorrow so don't let yourself think it's okay to fail today. I am obsessed with making deals with myself, with CHEATING! It truly is as easy as just saying 'no'. Don't let yourself do it, and definitely don't let yourself convince yourself that it is okay.

Part Two - Perfectly Normal

I am perfectly normal. My BMI is 21.86, right smack bang in the centre of the healthy weight range. I am perfectly and disgustingly normal and I hate it. I have lost 11.8kgs, 26lbs, 15% of my body weight and not one person has noticed or commented. You know why? Because it still only makes me normal. I don't want to be normal. I want to be thin, skinny would be great but thin is what I am aiming for. 60kgs I believe would make me thin. 19.8BMI. 55kgs would be skinny. 18.1BMI. I want to be thin/skinny and enjoy life, not too sick to make the most of it.

So this weeks stats are:

Week 13 Friday Weight: 66.2kgs
Week 13 Friday Loss: 1kgs

Total Weight Loss: 11.8kgs
BMI: 21.9

So in conclusion; watch me drain every last drop of life out of this world, I will make the most of it, just as I will drain every last drop of fat from my ass:) It WILL happen. I might not be tomorrow but tomorrow will get me closer, and one day, hopefully not too far away, I will be something more (less) than perfectly normal:) willbethin xoxo

Wednesday may become my new favourite day :)

Was thrilled this morning with a 0.5kgs loss in 2 days. I'm still exercising everyday and even though I hate it (it's getting better I suppose) I'll keep at it as long as it keeps working:)

Week 13 Wednesday Weight: 67.2kgs
Week 13 Wednesday Loss: 0.5kgs

Total Weight Loss: 10.8kgs
BMI: 22.2

Please comment and help keep me motivated :) willbethin xoxo

10kgs Finally...! :)

Hey guys I hit the 10kg weight loss mark finally:):):)

I'm weighing in every Monday, Wednesday, Friday now to try and keep me on track better with extra motivation through the week. So my stats are:

Week 13 Monday Weight: 67.7kgs
Week 13 Monday Loss: 1.4kgs

Total Weight Loss: 10.3kgs
BMI: 22.4

Have been exercising on the treadmill and step machine too. That leaves me 9 weeks to lose the last 7.7kgs, (0.8-0.9kgs a week).

 

Until Wednesday, This is forever. I will do whatever it takes. I want to be thin more than anything, even food...xoxo

Urgh!...Last time this will happen:(

Yep, I gained. Again! Basically a whole week of binging, not one good day at all. For what they're worth, my stats:

Week 12 Weight: 69.1kgs
Week 12 Loss: -0.8kgs

Total Weight Loss: 8.9kgs
BMI: 22.8

Made myself throw up for the first time in years this week. Not sure how I feel about it. I had been considering it for a while but trying not to start because I've done it before and it got really bad where I'd do it after eating anything, multiple times a day. But I said I didn't want dinner and was made to eat it so I just got rid of it. It was easy and such a relief that I could do it. I don't want to go there though so will try to stick to just restricting.

The one upside of this week was that I finally got my act together and started exercising. I'll will keep this up and try to increase my losses again. Will weigh in Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays too from now on so that I can track my weight more carefully, I think it will help with my motivation.

On Monday my weight WILL be lower! Check back in then:)

"The reason people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go instead of how far they have gotten."

 

Feeling the weight :(

Week 11 and no change in my weight. No gain which is good but no loss which is absolutely depressing. My Stats:

Week 11 Weight: 68.3kgs
Week 11 Loss: 0kgs

Total Weight Loss: 9.7kgs
BMI: 22.6

 

Need to lose 0.8kgs a week from now on to keep on track:(

 

My motivation for the week: "Geez did you pack enough?" From a supposed friend who knows I'm on a diet and how much weight I've lost - all because I had 2 cottage cheese and lettuce wraps for lunch.

Week 10 Stats

Week 10!!! And not quite 10kgs lost yet. Only 11 weeks until my deadline and I want to be below 60kgs. That's 0.7-0.8kg I need to lose every week. Can I do it?

Feeling pretty good because I had my sisters bday dinner the night before weigh in where I had to eat a meal plus cake and still managed to lose 0.8, although 0.4 of that had been gained from the week before. Nonetheless I won't complain about a loss. Have gone from losing a few kilos a week to 0.5-1 but I guess thats what happens...

So week 10 stats are:

Week 10 Weight: 68.3kgs
Week 10 Loss: 0.8kgs

Total Weight Loss: 9.7kgs
BMI: 22.6

 

Visiting a friend atm that I haven't seen in 2 years and as soon as I got out of the car she commented on my weight loss :) :) :)

Funny that she can see it and my friends and family at home still haven't noticed? :)

Let's hope the numbers keep going down!

Sorry Guys/Why do I bother trying?

Sorry guys I didn't realise people were emailing me!!! I didn't think anyone would seriously look at my blog and hadn't checked the email. All emails now replied to.

A question I'd like to include: "what kind of things are you having for lunch? How long did it take before you started really noticing the weight loss?"

In the beginning I would just eat a chicken salad roll for lunch, then it became some biscuits with cheese and tomato, now it is usually a handful of grapes or watermelon, sometimes I still have a few biscuits with cheese and tomato.

It took me just over a month to notice the change in my body. My ribs become very prominent to touch, my knees got skinnier and my love handles flattened out to nearly straight. I've dropped a size in clothes which I love, and they're now becoming looser. I also dropped a cup size in bras.


So I just had tea with my grandparents. We were having fresh fish my grandpa caught with chips. My grandma asked if I was eating chips to which I said no and she didn't complain. Then she asked what I was eating with the fish - nothing was not an option. The easiest option was to just eat a piece of savoury bread they were having. I eat all my fish which was delicious and the fricking piece of bread to keep everyone happy. After tea she decides to go on about how I'm not eating enough and I hardly ate at dinner. I ate as much fish as them plus the stupid piece of bread, all I declined was the chips!!! So next time I won't bother trying to please anyone. I'll please myself and eat nothing. If they're going to complain when I torture myself to make them happy then I'm done. Bitch and complain all you want at least I'll be skinny while you're yelling.

Please Please Please guys feel free to comment or email me if you like. With everyone against us - we should stick together :)

"The thing about reaching your goal weight is that its 100% possible. Its completely
in your control. The only thing that is stopping you to get there is you. So get out of the way."

Weighing In

So I have to go away for 4 days this weekend, which is why I'm weighing in a day early.

Measured my height this week and I'm actually 174cm, (5'7'').

Goal weight reassessed and this time locked in for sure - 55kgs, 120lbs, BMI: 18.2

So this week's stats:

Week 9 Weight: 69.1kgs
Week 9 Loss: -0.4kgs

Total Weight Loss: 8.9kgs
BMI: 22.8

Don't know what happened this week to gain againL L L This means I know need to lose 0.7kgs every week until Europe, don't know why I have to make things harder for myself! I hope this will motivate me to lose something this week but I'm going away and last time I gained 0.9kgs. I can't have to gain weeks in a row though!:(

Finally did a (little) bit of exercise this week - really worked though didn't it?!!! L

Checked up on the hot chocolate debate, hot chocolate with 50mls skinny milk is 80calories, any cup of soups are 100-130calories so I am better to drink the chocolate.

Certain people keep asking me how much I want to lose, what do I say to them? My mental answer: When I put on a top hat and people confuse me for Hang Man. Tty next week xoxo

Nothing remarkable to add...

Week 8 Weight: 68.7kgs
Week 8 Loss: 1.2kgs

Total Weight Loss: 9.3kgs
BMI: 23.2

Ah the week of binges! New job makes it easier to avoid eating but I keep binging when I'm at home:( Cheese and grapes are my problem foods. Will only eat them at work from now on where I can't walk to the fridge and find more.

Have a new addiction to hot chocolate. It warms me up and fills my stomach. It doesn't have many calories with skinny milk but it can't be good. Wish I could drink more water but I hate the taste:) Tips anyone?

14 weeks to go before Europe and 8.7kgs (at least) to lose. That's just over 0.6kgs a week. The weight loss is slowing down and I don't know how to keep it going down. I never appreciated the 3.2kgs loss weeks when I had them.

A girl at work today said to me "You've lost heaps of weight since I last saw you." But it didn't make me happy. It was so casual, she should have just said; "You were huge, keep going."

Nothing much to day but this week sucked. Eat less, weigh less xoxo 

Goal Weight 2 and TICK :)

And I got there (just :) !)

Week 7 Weight: 69.9kgs
Week 7 Loss: 0.5kgs

Total Weight Loss: 8.1kgs
BMI: 23.6

TINY weightloss, but enough to get me to goal weight 2. So scared of gaining that ANY loss will do. (At this rate I'll be skinny by December 28th lol)

Got cake shoved into my hand at a work party today and FML I ate it:( SO SO SO SO SO SO SO STUPID!!! DICKHEAD LOSER FATTY HOPELESS PIG but have all weekend free to work it off. Changing jobs on Monday so will have more time after work and I WILL start exercising. Less physically demanding job so will definitely need to.

Sorry for all the capitals in this post lol
-I am the only difference between FAT and FIT- xoxo

Mid Week Post

So I'm still 2 days off weighine myself but just thought I'd leave a note about today. I got home from a friend's house today and my little sister says "where have you been?" "Lauren's" i reply, "did you eat?" she asks. "yes, why?" I lie. "you look really skinny." she said.

Even though I know I'm still hugely fat, it was the best thing anyone has said to me in weeks. Still waiting for someone to ask me that big question :) "Have you lost weight?" but I will remember that conversation forever. No one who doesn't know I've been dieting has commented yet but it just drives me harder towards my goal. 2 days away with work this week where I ate 3 meals a day so I'm petrified about weighing in this week. And I drank alcohol!!! Didn't binge when I drank which I usually do but I didn't vomit either so I figure all of those calories are floating around in me somewhere:(

Also went to the movies this week with my sister and we were sharing a drink, I didn't eat but she had popcorn and I was paranoid about contracting the calories off the can. I get anxious all the time, feel on the border of panic attacks, but I can rationalise myself out of it. It's usually when I'm alone. I feel so alone all the time now! Used all my Internet in 2 days looking at thinspiration :|

So my refrained goals:
Goal Weight 1: 75kgs   -   DONE!
Goal Weight 2: 70kgs   -   Hopefully this week!!! :)
Goal Weight 3: 65kgs
Goal Weight 4: 60kgs   -   Must be this or lower when I go to Europe in August
Goal Weight 5: 55kgs
Ultimate Goal Weight: 52kgs, BMI 17.6

If I post on Friday, it's probably good. If not, it's horrible:(

I'd never tell anyone because then they'd think, why aren't you thin then?

Great Week!

What a great week! Was so excited when I weighed myself this morning...

Week 6 Weight: 70.4kgs
Week 6 Loss: 3.2kgs

Total Weight Loss: 7.6kgs
So close to my 2nd goal weight now! And got a hot boy's number today. Still fat and a long way too go but progress is progress and I'm thrilled as long as the numbers keep going down. Hope so badly that I'm below 70kg next week but are going away with work so will have to see how many meals I can miss without getting noticed.

So just to add, I work at a very physical job and ride horses in my spare time so don't do any exercises at the moment, will probably start push ups/sit ups soon to tone up. I've been living on an up and go for breakfast (chocolate of course:) ) just because I find I get faint otherwise, something small and healthy for lunch, and only drink diet drinks or water. After a month I stopped feeling hungry all the time and now my body is using up all of its still plentiful fat.

Wasn't even hungry at lunch today but ate some salad anyway, my stomach went nuts grumbling - it now complains when I DO eat lol...

I'm 172cms tall and my BMI is currently 23.8.

Have changed my ultimate goal weight after looking into BMI's, would now like to be 52kgs. Yeah I know that's a 26kg loss but I'm a determined bitch ;p

Hope to have good news next week:) xoxo

Week 5...and a few days:)

Went away for three days this week. Couldn't get out of eating three meals a day. Knew I'd gain weight but nearly died when I saw it was 0.9kgs!!! The numbers are only supposed to go down not up. Was so angry, sad, humiliated, devestated it took me three days to get up the courage to post this. This week WILL be better though. Didn't eat a single thing yesterday and so proud. Good kickstart and wanted to weigh myself straight away but held back. Kind of ironically I don't want to obsess too much:)

So my stats this week:

Week 5 Weight: 73.6kgs
Week 5 Loss: -0.9kg

Total Weight Loss: 4.4kgs

So a few questions?
Have had really bad headaches lately, solutions? Panadol, laying down, drinking fluid doesn't work.
Been feeling like fainting, miracle cure anyone? :) especially to hide it when at work

Until next week when I lose all this weeks gain plus more:), the less you eat, the less you weigh. xoxo

Week 4 and Still Going...

So my stats this week:

Week 4 Weight: 72.7kgs
Week 4 Loss: 2.1kg

Total Weight Loss: 5.3kgs
Yay! I was so worried this week, will wavered once this week around dessert time. But so happy with this week's loss:)

Please feel free to comment, add advice. I need all the motivation I can get.
Until next week...

Just to start off...

Hi anyone who may be reading this:)

I don't write in a diary. I guess I'm too scared to write anything too personal down in case it was ever found, so here I am, writing to the world anonymously;p

I am a 21 year old female. I live in Australia. The first thing that I want to blog about is...I've just started a new diet! Again, yes I know but this time I really want to stick with it. I have some goals but I need to be accountable to someone or else I'm scared I'll give up one day. So I'm telling anyone who wants to know...

Heaviest weight: 78kgs
Goal Weight 1: 75kgs
Goal Weight 2: 70kgs
Goal Weight 3: 65kgs
Ulitimate Goal Weight: 60kgs

I've been on this diet 3 weeks now and I am so damn hungry :)

Week 1 Weight: 75.7kgs
Week 1 Loss: 2.3kgs

Week 2 Weight: 75.8kgs
Week 2 Loss: -0.1kgs :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Week 3 Weight: 74.8kgs
Week 3 Loss: 1kg

Total Weight Loss: 3.2kgs

Now I'm really new to this blogging and not really sure how it works but I'll do my best to learn fast. I'd love comments, tips, or motivation so please feel free to comment. Until next time...mysecretdiary xx